I'm lost and stupid without you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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