he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
