Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
