i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
