Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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