I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
