i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
