the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
