he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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