I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
