Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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