There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
A+ Viking dick
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
