I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize