Don't make out with my wife yet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
