Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
