They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize