I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
