You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm having to shit out rocks
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