He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
