The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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