Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
