She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
