ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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