you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize