soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
