I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
