Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
