I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize