I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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