good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
