he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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