Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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