I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Enjoy the penises
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
