Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My balls are so social today.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
