she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
