You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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