people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
