we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
