Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
