At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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