Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize