so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
