Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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