Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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