I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
