do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
