dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
