honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
