Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
