they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
