I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
