He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
