Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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