Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
