Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
time to smoke my breakfast
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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