my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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