Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
