so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize