last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
