I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
