just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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