Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
