I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
