my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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