Sry I called you an 8
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
