A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
