in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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