the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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