took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
