I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
