i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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