dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
