How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
