They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
